Food, General, Parenting, Parenting, Personal, Uncategorized

What’s Been Going On?

It’s been a while Again since I have written a blog post, it’s been Christmas and New Year, and then the struggle of getting back into the swing of work/housework/parenting after having a little time off at Xmas is always draining. When is it you should stop eating crackers and cheese and pate and chocolate for every meal..? Asking for a friend that’s all.

So, as usual, Christmas was hectic and stressful, but honestly this year has been the first year that I have ACTUALLY enjoyed Christmas Day from the beginning to the end. We had Norms’ family over in the morning, and then Will had a sleep after playing with his new toys, I prepped Xmas Dinner, then we ate, opened more presents and just played for the rest of the day. It was very relaxed, none of this to-ing and fro-ing which I HATE doing, as awful as it sounds, we always say to people that if they want to see us on Xmas Day, then  they can come to us, as our parents live at complete OPPOSITE ends of the city. We did it for a couple of years Pre-Will, and we weren’t getting in until late afternoon and we were having to please everyone else instead of pleasing ourselves. So we knocked that on the head, and Norms’ family just come and see us because that’s what they like to do.

As some of you may know, I found myself worrying and getting myself so stressed and anxious about Christmas. Would William enjoy it? Would he have enough presents from me and Norms? Will I get good pictures that I should share on social media? Will I need to buy him more presents? Should I of bought Norms more presents? Will the dinner be nice? Will Norms Grandma be out of hospital? “AM I GOING TO PLEASE EVERYBODY ON EARTH AND THERE WILL BE WORLD PEACE??”

I was driving myself crazy, not sleeping, seeing the Instagram stories of people buying their kids all these bloody gifts, several stockings full of presents, their partners expensive watches or designer clothes. And there was me, with a book shelf from eBay  and a stuffed toy duck for William, and a Body Shop gift set and a top from Sports Direct for Norms. I felt so inadequate, and I know, I know, it’s not about the money, but sometimes, let’s be honest, it is. You work all year, and want to spoil the people you love the most. And unfortunately (because 1. I don’t earn a great deal of money and 2. I am shit with money and don’t save up and buy kebabs with it instead. #real) But, the gifts that William received were fine, lets be honest, the kid is 2 years old and hasn’t got a clue about what day it is, I mean he didn’t give a toss about his Xmas dinner. Do you know what he had for his Xmas dinner? Tomato Soup. So festive. And Norms fully understands the circumstance I am in with the whole money situation, but he liked his gifts he received, and to be honest it was just nice to be able to spend some proper quality time together, as his hours are erratic with his job, so we rarely spend proper time together as a family, so just to be able to do that was lovely.

As usual, Christmas comes with a stereotypical family crisis. Norms’ Grandma has been unwell and was in hospital over the festive period so the family was a bit upset about that, and also there are some other things happening with his family at the moment, which I wont go into as it’s not for social media, but things were a bit fraught sometimes. Plus my mum was poorly over the festive period with that horrendous flu bug thing that makes you feel like you’ve got the Bubonic plague and are on death’s door, so we didn’t get chance to see as much family as we usually would over the festive period. But that’s just the way it goes sometimes. We just chilled out, spent time together as a 3, and that was lovely in itself.

I also spent a little less time on my phone over the Christmas season. It wasn’t so much a conscious decision, I just have realised that a lot of the time I have spare at home is often spent with my face in my phone on instagram, and not concentrating on the here and now, and I was missing out on family time, things that were perhaps happening and would maybe not happen again, all for the sake of what? A double tap and a funny 15 second video? Plus, because me and norms don’t see each other a great deal, when we are together I am aware that (as the majority of other couples probably do as well), most of our time is spent with our faces in our mobile devices, when we should be talking and interacting with each other. And to be honest, it was good to get back to basics.

Another thing which has happened recently is William’s speech. He is coming along SO MUCH at the moment. He can say a few little words, and I feel like now I can actually COMMUNICATE with him and he can communicate back to me, don’t get me wrong, there are still PLENTY of times when I just look at him in disbelief and think to myself “what the actual hell is he trying to tell me??”, but the difference just in the last few weeks has been amazing. And because he is speaking a little and can communicate with me, the temper tantrums are becoming gradually less, and I believe it’s because we I can understand him and what he wants and needs. His personality is now starting to come out too, and his nursery have even told me that he is coming out of his shell more and more, and is willing to get involved and play more, which for me as a mum makes me SO happy, knowing that he is going to be there for the day and not be feeling sad or upset or scared, he’s getting stuck in and making friends and it just makes my heart hurt with pride and love.  We also had a health visitor appointment just after the new year, I am going to write a blog post about how it went and how the whole lead up to it made me feel, it didn’t go as badly as I was expecting it to, and afterwards I felt relieved, one because it was over but two because she didn’t say she was concerned about him, so that was also a massive weight off my shoulders.

I have also been receiving a lot of positive feedback from my instagram account, which makes me really happy. I’m not going to lie, when I gain new followers it DOES make me nervous, because I feel like sometimes you are expected to keep up this massive “insta-prescence” , but in reality I am just a normal working mum who just does silly stupid shit on a social media app, and people seem to like it. I will be writing about how it makes me feel personally too, as I feel that it’s probably how many people who use social media probably feel too.

And that’s about it! Nothing exciting really, however I just thought I would check in with you guys and let you know I am still here,  I’m going to try and blog more, but do let me know what sort of stuff you would like to see, I am always open to suggestions and ready for a ramble (understatement on my part).

Food, General, Parenting, Uncategorized

St Stephen’s Hull – A Family Day Out

*This post is in collaboration with St Stephen’s Hull. All views and opinions expressed are my own*

As the Summer Holidays come to a close, and the days are drawing in a little earlier and the weather is getting a little more, brisk, shall we say, you can sometimes be left wondering what to do with the kids on a weekend or during the holidays. Even though William isn’t at school yet, I still often have to rack my brains for ideas of things we can do that are fun and that will stimulate him but also not leave me wanting to pull my hair out (or cost the absolute earth).

So when St Stephen‘s got in touch with me and asked me if I wanted to go and see what their leisure attraction, Rock Up, was about, I of course jumped at the chance – especially as it has a special section for small children and purpose-run toddler sessions, as well as a soft play area (which of course, William would be ALL OVER).

Rock Up is a purpose built indoor climbing and adventure centre, situated in the popular shopping centre within Hull city centre. It has several rock climbing walls that adults and children alike have access to, as well as a soft play area for the under 8’s, and a lovely little café for you to refuel (before, during or after!). The centre also offers parties for kids and team-building experiences for workplaces or friends/families (if that’s your sort of thing!).

When we arrived we were taken through to the main climbing area and William had a harness put on him. He was intrigued by what was happening, and the instructor was so helpful and was showing Norms and I how to attach him to the walls and how to unstrap him etc.

Now William, bless him, didn’t actually manage to do any climbing, I think he was just a bit overwhelmed by being strapped up, he LOVED watching the other children though, some of them were fearless! On a Sunday morning there is a toddler session and a children’s session, where no adults can climb and it’s just kids, and I can honestly say that it is something we will be taking William to again. He was so intrigued and interested in watching the other children, but he IS quite shy so daren’t have a go himself, but I’m sure the more we take him the more his confidence will grow and I think it would be a different and fun hobby for him to get into (if he wanted to of course – I’m not about that pushy mum life).

One thing that, of course, appealed to William was the soft play, he played in there for (no exaggeration) hours! There was a separate area for toddlers and then the main area was for children up to the age of 8. There was a brilliant slide in there which William absolutely LOVED! While he and Norms played I sat down with a drink and snack from the cafe and sat down and chilled (something which doesn’t happen that often these days – TRUST ME!)

We left Rock Up around mid-morning, the time flew by so quickly and we decided to go to Krispy Kreme for a coffee and a little weekend treat! I mean – who doesn’t like Krispy Kreme? I always walk past and try not to look as I know that I will be lured in – I just can’t resist! We sat down and watched the world go by for a while – FYI the Reeses peanut butter donuts are THE ONE. And I got to drink a hot latte. Winning. At. Life.

We then had a wander around the shops – I never really venture into town, what with one thing or another, but we spent a good few hours having a look, there are loads of shops there to cater for everyone in the family. I was particularly eyeing up some new trainers in Foot Asylum (*hint hint Norms*). Plus William had a sleep after all the excitement from the morning, so we were able to actually LOOK around, rather than pick up clothes/shoes/other miscellaneous items that William has pulled off the rails and frantically try and put them back in the right place before his little hands appear out of the buggy to strike again. (#mumlife #blessed)

All in all a great day was had, and we are definitely going to be going back to Rock Up again! I wonder if I can persuade Norms that we should go to look at trainers again. Or donuts….

Baby, Food, Friends, General, Parenting

Christmas 2017 – what I found.

Thought I’d just do a little post about what I found during the Christmas time with a 1 year old and a few things I learnt and will hopefully remember for next time! 
Christmas as we all know is a time for joy, and giving, and family, however we all know it can quickly escalate and things can get out of hand financially, mentally and emotionally. So here I have compiled a list of the things I have found and learnt over the festive period. 

  1. You will have to start planning and saving like..in the summer. Especially since having a child. Because sometimes you can get some really good bargains but also because everything is so bloody expensive. 
  2. Have a word with grand parents, friends, anyone who wants to buy the little ones gifts. Because you just KNOW that if you don’t, your child will end up with some all singing all dancing stuffed 8ft rhinoceros which you have nowhere to put and your child cries everytime they clap eyes on it. 
  3. Sometimes you have to put your foot down and just say no. Following on from the previous point, I completely understand that grandparents, aunties, Thelma from 5 doors down etc, want to spoilt your little bubba, however you can clash when it comes to presents. If you as their parents want to buy them x, y or z and they don’t like it because they bought it in the sale 2 weeks ago, but you’ve wanted to buy them it and bought it in July and have been soooo excited about giving it to them, then Sometimes, they just have to like it or lump it. You are always going to piss someone off. Might as well get it out of the way early. 
  4. YOU WILL ALWAYS PISS SOMEONE OFF. Whether it be hubby, mum, gran, mother in law (always me) etc etc. It’s a bit like your wedding day. You are never going to please everyone, whether it be presents, where you have your Turkey, who you have it with. Just do whatever makes you and your family happy.
  5. Don’t get too pissed. Self explanatory really.
  6. Be strict. At the end of the day, if people want to come round that’s cool, but if you had a plan and you want to stick to it, then make sure you Do! It’s your Christmas as much as everyone else’s, remember that.
  7. Eat loads. It’s a given really. If you haven’t put on at least a stone in December, have you even done Christmas properly? 
  8. Take some time to enjoy it. Sometimes we get too caught up with the decorations, the cooking, the present buying, the wrapping, the cards, the social gatherings, that we forget about what it’s actually all about – family and spending time with the ones you love. If you haven’t sent someone’s cousin twice removed from Dover a Christmas card, then don’t sweat it. You just might not get one next year from them. (HOWEVER WILL I LIVE.)
  9. Following on from the previous point, don’t worry about pleasing everyone. You will never do it. Just accept it, if people go in a piss with you then so be it. Pour another prosecco and worry about whether you remembered to take the giblets out of the turkeys arse. 
  10. Don’t get too caught up with what everyone else is doing on social media. INSTAGRAM IS NOT REAL LIFE. Real life is arguing about when the blue bin is going to get picked up because it’s overflowing with wrapping paper and cardboard boxes and empty bottles, what time you put the turkey in, did you know cousin Alice is now a vegan, have we got enough gravy, etc etc. It’s not all Jo Malone candles and unicorn prosecco. It’s what people want you to see. I guarantee that everyone is still having all the same tears and tantrums as you are on the big day. Besides, it’s not Christmas unless someone has an argument, right? 

These are just a few things, I could go on and on and on but you get my drift. Christmas a lot of the time gets consumed with the monetary value and the gestures and how big they are, and people forget what it’s actually all about. Saying that, of course you want to spend money on the ones you love, who doesn’t, but its hard not to sometimes feel inadequate or like your gifts are rubbish compared to what you see on Facebook or Instagram. Sometimes, the CD and bottle of Britney bitch perfume you got your mum looks a bit feeble next to someone who got their mum a weekend away at a spa in the Himalayan mountains where they only drink coconut water and eat vegan sushi. (Is that even a thing? I dunno.)  I can’t lie and say sometimes I didn’t  compare my Christmas and the lead up and the decorations etc to people’s I follow on Instagram. But then I remember it’s not real life. And we all go and take a shit, so we basically are all the same, coconut water or not.

Here’s some photographs of our Christmas day. As you can see, the joy is just pouring out of my son.

      Baby, General, Parenting

      THREE SIX FIVE

      Now I know that this is like…super bloody late but I thought I would write a little post about William turning one. (Baring in mind this was in October – we are now in January. Oh well).

      When William turned one I was SO SO SO emotional. I don’t want to sound like a cliché and a broken record, but there is just something about the realisation that you have had this little thing with you for a whole year, you find yourself looking back at photographs of them when they were 4 days old, still all pink and wrinkly, and there are selfies of you both curled up in the newborn haze.

      Then you turn over your shoulder, and see that said gorgeous little cherub standing at your kitchen cupboards, having opened a pack of spaghetti and chives, and has snot running down its nose into his mouth, and has trapped his fingers in a drawer. And your house resembles a car boot sale. But honestly, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

      The time goes by so quickly, when you think about it really. William has always been a little “slower” shall we say at developing, for instance he didn’t roll over until he was 7 months old, and a lot of my other friends babies were already crawling around by then. And he didn’t start crawling until he was 11 months old. He is now 15 months old and he isn’t walking yet. Am I bothered? No, not really. Everyone is different. Just like for example, I enjoy the gherkin in a Maccies. Norms does not. And so on and so forth. (Love a gherkin me).

      Anyway, back to the BIRTHDAY. I of course wanted to do something for his birthday so we decided on having a little party round at ours with family and friends invited, and we just put on some nibbles and drinks etc. Its hard not to get carried away really, you of course want to create this lovely birthday party for your little one, but in all honesty, do they really know what the fuck is going on? No. Not a clue. The party itself is really for the grown ups and the children who are a little older. William slept for most of his party anyway- the same as he did for his christening party and also Christmas. To be honest, you cant beat a good nap lets all be clear.

      And of course you always want to decorate and put some Insta-worthy snaps online and show everyone how much of an amazing hostess you can be and how much fun you all had. Which, to be honest, I’m not arty or decorative in the slightest, I have about as much creative flair as a brick. But I tried. And, to be honest, I was quite pleased with how cute things looked in our small little house.

      The thing which was giving me anxiety for weeks leading up to Williams birthday wasn’t the party. It was the idea of presents. Oh my god. What is it with grandparents and presents? People just go mad, and as I’ve said before I’ve always had a little bit of a struggle with my mother in law as she does get carried away, so I had to lay some ground rules down a couple of  months in advance, because I don’t want my house to look like the warehouse of Toys R Us, and also because he is still so small and he doesn’t have a clue what presents are, why he’s receiving them and to be quite honest, he’d rather play with a packet of baby wipes.

      Of course, my request was met with a sense of frostiness, I always seem to come across as the bad one, but I stuck to my guns and I’m glad I did, William got some lovely presents but people did thankfully listen and we weren’t too inundated with plastic beeping, squeaking, flashing up shite.

      So I thought I’d do a quick post on his birthday, as I realised I hadn’t done one, and add some photos as again I realised I hadn’t really put any of those up either! (Honestly baby brain is still in full force. I think this is just my brain now. Perhaps I pushed some out when I pushed William out..)

      The Garlands are from Hobbycraft, as is the holographic “Happy Birthday” sign. The Photograph bunting was from ebay, as were the plastic cone bags and the “Thank you” stickers. One thing which was a big factor for us was of course price. I did order some other lovely balloons but unfortunately they didn’t arrive in time so I went to Card factory (got to love that shop) and got some generic “1 today” balloons which did just as well as some ones with sparkly foil on. I hate balloons anyway (UGH) so to me it didn’t matter whether we had them or not. Everything was less than a fiver to buy, which meant I wasn’t spending loads on stuff that would only essentially get thrown in the bin. I work 19 hours a week and get paid pittance, so I am not about that spending money on frivolous shit kind of life.

      I also wanted a chalk board (how original I know) but I wanted to make one myself, because some of them are SO EXPENSIVE and then once the day is done, that’s it, without being awful, you are stuck with this board that you can never use again, and wont want to as it cost you nearly twenty quid in the first place! Now, granted, they look amazing and make for a lovely centrepiece on your table, but I wanted to be able to re-use the bloody thing, and also say to people”Yeah, I did that”. So, like I said earlier, I am NOT arty or creative, but I was pleased with the result, and I am looking forward to being able to do this every year, well until he is old enough to say “muuuuuummmm that’s so EMBARASSING – STOP IT!!” The chalk board was also from Hobbycraft and the pens were from a stationary shop just in my town centre – however they are fucking expensive!

      Thanks for reading! I promise I won’t leave it as long next time!

      x

      Baby, Parenting, Parenting

      Shower of Shit

      So I thought I would just write a little post, also to have a little rant as much as anything.

      I’ve never been one of those women who brags about how amazing her child is at sleeping through, or how much of a good eater they are, or so on and so forth. Yes, I am known to blow my own trumpet if I feel I have cracked something particularly difficult with regards to William, I think anyone else would be the same, parenting is bloody hard work.

      I am also partial to be a bit of a moaning Myrtle. You can often find me on Instagram stories giving it big licks about some ridiculous thing William has done now, or how he’s refusing to eat his lunch, blah blah blah.

      But I feel like I just need to let off some steam. I have always said I would be completely honest on this blog, and so here it goes.

      I’m bloody struggling at the moment.

      William is 1 in a week (exactly). Since I have started working again and he has started at his nursery, his sleep has really suffered. Now, granted he has been quite a good sleeper, he generally sleeps the majority of the night with maybe a couple of whinges or whines or us needing to go in and change him (seriously this kid pisses for England). But he has generally been ok.

      Up until now. He is waking several times in the night, for seemingly nothing. He is standing in his cot, screaming blue bloody murder. I change him, cuddle him, offer him a drink of water, give him a dummy (he has a habit of throwing them out of his cot), give him any medicine if I feel he needs it for teething, and he seems to settle when we are having a cuddle. Then I put him in his cot and it all begins again. Last night he cried from around 12.45am until gone 3am. I even brought him into my bed, thinking he would settle because he was close to me. It didn’t work. I was crying, he was crying, I’m surprised we didn’t both drown the amount of tears that were being shed. Cry me a River springs to mind. The only thing that settled him in the end was milk. Now I know this may sound harsh, however I am not in the habit of giving him milk in the night, I (personally) don’t feel he needs it, he has 1 bottle a day and that suits him just fine. But last night I was at the end of my tether and just wanted to sleep.

      It’s not the first time he’s been inconsolable. He was like it 2 days ago, and also a couple of times last week. Now I’m not stupid and didn’t come down with yesterday’s shower of rain, I know that babies wake through the night, however it was just so out of character for him. And it’s heartbreaking when you can’t help them, and they can’t tell you what the matter is.

      But also it’s mega bloody frustrating. I’ve found myself recently being victim to the old witch that is “mum guilt” about William going to nursery, as he wasn’t great the first day I sent him (I promise I’ll do a post about this as soon as I pull my head out of my arse) and how it may have affected his sleep.

      I’ve also been finding it difficult as Norms has been working away a lot, so I’ve been dealing with these instances on my lonesome. Everything I seem to do for William seems to be wrong. I can’t seem to soothe him. He gets frustrated at me because he can’t tell me what he wants, and I don’t know what it is that he wants half the time.

      Why don’t I know what he wants? Why can’t I be like these “Instamums” who seem to have their shit together? Why can’t I have a husband who comes home at 6pm and takes over from me, and lets me have a bath and wash my hair and moisturise, rather than me having to get a shower whilst yelling “don’t touch that!” “William where are you?” “Don’t pull the shower curtain!” And get out having only shaved one leg? Why does William keep waking in the night? Why can’t I soothe him, he’s my baby, surely I should know what is the matter with him? Why doesn’t he let me sleep? Why won’t he eat his lunch? Why does he not laugh for me as he does for Norms, when Norms doesn’t soothe him or feed him or comfort him for 80% of the week?

      I find myself going round and round in circles, making myself upset, thinking I’m not good enough,I’m a shitty mum, William doesn’t like me, everyone judges me for being a shit mum, I’m not finding it easy therefore I can’t be a natural.. and today has been one of those days. I know that I’m not on my own, and I really must just say thank you to everyone who takes the time to message me when they have watched my Instagram stories (where 98% of the time I look like a bog rat in a Next dressing gown) and have given me advice or just sent some kind words. I really do appreciate it and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

      It’s hard not to beat yourself up about it I guess. And I suppose it makes us all normal. I just needed to have a bit of a babble and let off some steam. I’m sure it’s just a phase and once the teeth pop their little selves through and we get into more of a routine with nursery and work etc, that it will all fall into place.

      And if not? Well then we’re fucked.

      Baby, General, Parenting

      10 months..

      I haven’t written a post in a very long time.  I’ve just been LIVING. Lots of ups and downs as ever.

      It’s been a funny old time. William will be 10 months old in two days. TEN. MONTHS. 

      THAT’S 2 MONTHS AWAY FROM 12. Bloody hell. I just can’t believe where the time has gone to.

      So I just thought I’d do a little bit of an update post, I’ve had a few people ask me when I’m doing another post, and to be honest I have missed writing, but I’ve been finding it hard to find the time to even wipe my make up off at night, let alone write a hilarious yet honest blog post.

      I’m not going to lie, these past couple of months have been a bit testing. Me and norms are up and down, we bicker endlessly about the mundane boring stuff, why the bottles still smell like moudly cat milk, why the washing hasn’t been done, why is there a half eaten crumpet on the floor, etc etc. But then we have wonderful times and we make each other laugh all day and are affectionate and it melts all the crappy parts away. 

      William has been getting on great, he is eating more and more “human food” as I call it, we are still careful and cautious but I find myself becoming much more relaxed the more he eats and tries. I will admit though like, it’s hard when you see all these bloody women on Instagram whose babies are a little bit older or a little bit younger than yours, and they are having fish goujons and peas and sweet potato croquettes MADE FROM SCRATCH, or homemade chicken curry and oragnic vegetable rice, with a homemade bloody fruit crumble and all washed down with water which they will drink from ANY CUP – I look at the lumpy cow and gate jar I have in the bowl, and wrestle with Williams 7 millionth beaker I’ve tried to get him to even wet his fucking lips let alone drink any of the bastard stuff, and still feel disheartened. But then I think a lot of what is posted on Instagram is just a whole load of tosh.  I really do. I can’t believe for ONE BLOODY MINUTE that these people’s lives are as perfect as they want you to believe it is. So I just scroll on past, giving William his jarred food and water through an intravenous drip (I don’t do this – just to clarify. Please don’t ring social services.) Also, he is so so close to crawling! He can go backwards, turn himself fully around, and pull himself to wherever he wants to be, and he rolls around like a fish on a slab. It will be any day now. Then I’m sure the REAL fun will begin. 

      I think a lightbulb has gone off in my head. I used to be so consumed that my life wasn’t as perfect as other people’s. But at the end of the day, I spend all day with my son, at the weekend me and my husband are with our family and friends, and I don’t feel the need to promote it or share every detail on social media, because I am too busy LIVING AND ENJOYING the moments. I’m sure nobody wants to see a picture of me having a “lie in” until 8am, because norms has gone to give William his brekkie, or a photo of my hairy fat legs having a shower in peace with no baby whining because he’s not surgically attached to my hip/arm/leg/other body part. I do enough Instagram stories with no make up on looking haggard and like a bog rat that I do not need to put any more of that shit put there. Instagram stories are deleted after 24 hours THANK GOD.

      Another thing which has been consuming a lot of my time, is thinking about returning to work. I will be returning 1 day a week from September to do keep in touch days, and I can’t believe I return to work for 2 and a half days in October! I know I’m lucky as I am fully aware that some women have to return full time, I mean don’t get me wrong the money is definitely needed from a full time wage, but I (in my own opinion please don’t shoot me down) don’t see the point of having this baby, going through the slog of being pregnant and going through labour, having all this time off work to bond and spend with the little minion, to then go back to work 5 days a week. I mean, the thought of going back to work for 2.5 days a week fills me with dread, so I can’t even begin to imagine how it would feel to have to go back fill time. But everyone has their own rhymes and reasons for doing what they do. And that’s everyone’s own prerogative. I just don’t see the point of having a child and not being there to bring them up. Of course I also understand that some employers are not as happy to let people go back and cut their hours, but that’s something I thankfully haven’t had to deal with. (Sidenote- if anyone reading this DOES have these issues please go and follow the amazing Anna @mother_pukka on Instagram she’s ALL ABOUT THE flexible working for parents. And she is HILARIOUS). 

      So Yes, this has been keeping me awake at night. But I am slowly coming round to the idea. At the end of the day, it’s going to happen, my anxiety needs to get off my case and I need to pull up my big girls pants (yep still wearing the preggo hospital pants- what can I say comfort overruled the lacy thong) and go get on with it. 

      But I have Williams nursery all sorted, he will be going one day a week, and my mum and mother in law will be having him for the other days. I think this was a big factor about my anxiety. Me and my mother in law have had a rocky relationship since the little one was born. Well, it started when I was up the duff. I won’t go into details, all I will say is that we go about things in a VERY VERY different way, and it all came to a head when we went to check out the new nursery. Words were said, tears were shed. Eyebrows were raised. I think the saying “truth hurts” was the most useful turn of phrase for the chat we had. However, now all is out in the open, and things have been AMAZINGLY better. Anxiety is still there, don’t get me wrong, but I find myself being a lot more relaxed in her company, and feeling more relaxed about the thought of the little one going and spending such a lot of time with her. I am fully aware that to some people I must sound like a crazed lunatic but hey, variety is the spice of life, and my life is certainly not just vanilla. Although I DO love vanilla. 

      Another big thing going on is that we are currently selling our house. I’ll do a proper post when things start moving, but basically we have a house ready and waiting to be moved into (yay!) The only thing is, we obviously need to sell ours first. It’s been on the market for a month or so now, we are hoping to sell it sooner rather than later as we are itching to get things moving with the new one! I’ve been looking at so many house inspiration websites and pages, I’ve got a feeling we may need a cheeky lottery win to happen soon! It will be really nice to do a house up together, the house we are in at the moment was bought by norms when he was single, and it isn’t really decorated to my taste, don’t get me wrong it’s not horrible, it’s just not all that cosy. And I think as women as much as we like things to look all lovely and neat and tidy (mega lolz at this with a child – who am I kidding?!) We really just want it to be cosy and homely.  

      So that, in a nutshell is what I’ve been doing these past couple of months! I feel like I may do more posts like this, as I just can’t commit at the moment to doing a post every week or every couple of weeks, so maybe a monthly update post – unless there is something that has really got on my tits and I need to speak about it – but then you’d know about it im sure. 

      Thanks for reading

      T x

      General, Parenting, Personal

      Let’s Talk About (lack of) Sex, (with a) Baby

      Ok, so my husband will probably NOT be happy about this post, but I’ve always said I’ll be honest and this is real life and I’m sure as hell, in fact I’m 100% certain that I am NOT the only one going through a sex drought.

      And I’m not talking a dry spell. I’m talking about a full on desert, dry, open plain, hallucinating about a waterfall DROUGHT. 

      Sex evacuation. 

      I mean, I can’t even blame him. It’s me that is turned off. The fuse box has blown. Im clocked out. I am just not interested.

      Of course when you first have a baby, for medical reasons you can’t have sex for so many weeks, and you have this new baby who takes up all of your time and energy, and you are both sleep deprived, and getting an early night means just that…lights off and GOODNIGHT.  None of this hanky panky business. Bed is for sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

      But William is now 7 months (can we just take a minute to process that information…oh my god). And I can categorically count the amount of times we have…ahem..had relations…on one hand. 

      I find myself overthinking this. Am I normal? I bet everyone else is doing it. I bet my husband hates me. Maybe he doesn’t find me attractive anymore? Is there something wrong with me? I bet he’s going to leave me. I wonder if he’s going to look elsewhere? Why don’t I want to have sex???

      The truth is, from everyone I have spoken to, sex is generally the last thing on any of our mind’s. We as women are constantly thinking about the next time the baby will wake, how many bottles to sterilise, is his room too hot, oh shit I need to put a jar of food in his changing bag, did I take the dummy out from the car, did I sterilise said dummy before I plugged it in my baby’s mouth while I was in Aldi and he had a meltdown because he wasn’t allowed to suck the trolley, did I put that shitty nappy in the bin or is it still on the floor in the living room,  have I shaved my armpits this week?… And so on and so forth. 

      Of course I fancy my husband. I look at him all the time and feel very lucky to have someone who is actually attractive who likes me and wants to be naked with me. I love the bones of him. I love him so much it hurts sometimes. But the truth is, I have so many other things I could be doing, that getting in between the sheets for a quickie often takes a back seat.

      I think as well, because more often than not, I get up in the nights when William wakes, as Norms works driving trucks for a living and needs his sleep, when the opportunity knocks and its bed time, and William is sound asleep and we’ve had a lovely time together and the mood is just right…I am always so tired that I don’t think I would even get to the kissing stage without letting off a few snores. 

      I do feel bad for him. Let’s be honest, men think about and want sex more than women (usually). But he is very understanding and he really is a good egg. And from what I’ve heard from fellow mums and friends, this drought will hopefully end, and the rainy season will start all over again. It’s hard to remember the times when we used to just have a quick fumble whenever the mood took us. Or what we were like when we were trying to conceive. That’s the ironic part, you spend all this time and effort having all this amazing sex, and then that goes straight out the window when you get pregnant and have the baby. Poor blokes, it must be a shock to the system. They don’t know whether they are coming or going. (It’s deffo not the first one in this household).

      This post was really just a ramble, and also for any of you ladies who are possibly going through a sex evacuation like I am. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We can get through this!!! I mean, we have been and are still going through a really massive culture, lifestyle, body, emotional and physical change in our lives. We need time for this all to calm the fuck down.

      Hopefully one day we will all laugh about this, while at an Ann Summers party looking at little skimpy outfits and dildos, and not be crying into a glass of pinot grigio with our fannies closed up and dry as sandpaper.