I haven’t written a post in a very long time. I’ve just been LIVING. Lots of ups and downs as ever.
It’s been a funny old time. William will be 10 months old in two days. TEN. MONTHS.
THAT’S 2 MONTHS AWAY FROM 12. Bloody hell. I just can’t believe where the time has gone to.
So I just thought I’d do a little bit of an update post, I’ve had a few people ask me when I’m doing another post, and to be honest I have missed writing, but I’ve been finding it hard to find the time to even wipe my make up off at night, let alone write a hilarious yet honest blog post.
I’m not going to lie, these past couple of months have been a bit testing. Me and norms are up and down, we bicker endlessly about the mundane boring stuff, why the bottles still smell like moudly cat milk, why the washing hasn’t been done, why is there a half eaten crumpet on the floor, etc etc. But then we have wonderful times and we make each other laugh all day and are affectionate and it melts all the crappy parts away.
William has been getting on great, he is eating more and more “human food” as I call it, we are still careful and cautious but I find myself becoming much more relaxed the more he eats and tries. I will admit though like, it’s hard when you see all these bloody women on Instagram whose babies are a little bit older or a little bit younger than yours, and they are having fish goujons and peas and sweet potato croquettes MADE FROM SCRATCH, or homemade chicken curry and oragnic vegetable rice, with a homemade bloody fruit crumble and all washed down with water which they will drink from ANY CUP – I look at the lumpy cow and gate jar I have in the bowl, and wrestle with Williams 7 millionth beaker I’ve tried to get him to even wet his fucking lips let alone drink any of the bastard stuff, and still feel disheartened. But then I think a lot of what is posted on Instagram is just a whole load of tosh. I really do. I can’t believe for ONE BLOODY MINUTE that these people’s lives are as perfect as they want you to believe it is. So I just scroll on past, giving William his jarred food and water through an intravenous drip (I don’t do this – just to clarify. Please don’t ring social services.) Also, he is so so close to crawling! He can go backwards, turn himself fully around, and pull himself to wherever he wants to be, and he rolls around like a fish on a slab. It will be any day now. Then I’m sure the REAL fun will begin.
I think a lightbulb has gone off in my head. I used to be so consumed that my life wasn’t as perfect as other people’s. But at the end of the day, I spend all day with my son, at the weekend me and my husband are with our family and friends, and I don’t feel the need to promote it or share every detail on social media, because I am too busy LIVING AND ENJOYING the moments. I’m sure nobody wants to see a picture of me having a “lie in” until 8am, because norms has gone to give William his brekkie, or a photo of my hairy fat legs having a shower in peace with no baby whining because he’s not surgically attached to my hip/arm/leg/other body part. I do enough Instagram stories with no make up on looking haggard and like a bog rat that I do not need to put any more of that shit put there. Instagram stories are deleted after 24 hours THANK GOD.
Another thing which has been consuming a lot of my time, is thinking about returning to work. I will be returning 1 day a week from September to do keep in touch days, and I can’t believe I return to work for 2 and a half days in October! I know I’m lucky as I am fully aware that some women have to return full time, I mean don’t get me wrong the money is definitely needed from a full time wage, but I (in my own opinion please don’t shoot me down) don’t see the point of having this baby, going through the slog of being pregnant and going through labour, having all this time off work to bond and spend with the little minion, to then go back to work 5 days a week. I mean, the thought of going back to work for 2.5 days a week fills me with dread, so I can’t even begin to imagine how it would feel to have to go back fill time. But everyone has their own rhymes and reasons for doing what they do. And that’s everyone’s own prerogative. I just don’t see the point of having a child and not being there to bring them up. Of course I also understand that some employers are not as happy to let people go back and cut their hours, but that’s something I thankfully haven’t had to deal with. (Sidenote- if anyone reading this DOES have these issues please go and follow the amazing Anna @mother_pukka on Instagram she’s ALL ABOUT THE flexible working for parents. And she is HILARIOUS).
So Yes, this has been keeping me awake at night. But I am slowly coming round to the idea. At the end of the day, it’s going to happen, my anxiety needs to get off my case and I need to pull up my big girls pants (yep still wearing the preggo hospital pants- what can I say comfort overruled the lacy thong) and go get on with it.
But I have Williams nursery all sorted, he will be going one day a week, and my mum and mother in law will be having him for the other days. I think this was a big factor about my anxiety. Me and my mother in law have had a rocky relationship since the little one was born. Well, it started when I was up the duff. I won’t go into details, all I will say is that we go about things in a VERY VERY different way, and it all came to a head when we went to check out the new nursery. Words were said, tears were shed. Eyebrows were raised. I think the saying “truth hurts” was the most useful turn of phrase for the chat we had. However, now all is out in the open, and things have been AMAZINGLY better. Anxiety is still there, don’t get me wrong, but I find myself being a lot more relaxed in her company, and feeling more relaxed about the thought of the little one going and spending such a lot of time with her. I am fully aware that to some people I must sound like a crazed lunatic but hey, variety is the spice of life, and my life is certainly not just vanilla. Although I DO love vanilla.
Another big thing going on is that we are currently selling our house. I’ll do a proper post when things start moving, but basically we have a house ready and waiting to be moved into (yay!) The only thing is, we obviously need to sell ours first. It’s been on the market for a month or so now, we are hoping to sell it sooner rather than later as we are itching to get things moving with the new one! I’ve been looking at so many house inspiration websites and pages, I’ve got a feeling we may need a cheeky lottery win to happen soon! It will be really nice to do a house up together, the house we are in at the moment was bought by norms when he was single, and it isn’t really decorated to my taste, don’t get me wrong it’s not horrible, it’s just not all that cosy. And I think as women as much as we like things to look all lovely and neat and tidy (mega lolz at this with a child – who am I kidding?!) We really just want it to be cosy and homely.
So that, in a nutshell is what I’ve been doing these past couple of months! I feel like I may do more posts like this, as I just can’t commit at the moment to doing a post every week or every couple of weeks, so maybe a monthly update post – unless there is something that has really got on my tits and I need to speak about it – but then you’d know about it im sure.
Thanks for reading