General

Welcome Back

WELL HELLO!

Its been a while..and for that I apologise. LOTS has been happening with me over the past few months, and when ive just checked it was CHRISTMAS when I last posted. BLOODY HELL.

So I thought I would write a little post just to say HEY – I am still here and I am honestly going to try to be here a lot more – I miss writing my posts and chatting with you guys and hopefully you guys have missed my ramblings and foul language as well!

So what’s been happening over the past few months? Well we have MOVED HOUSE! Which – let me tell you – was very stressful especially when you throw in an UNBELIEVABLY stroppy toddler who, I think since he started walking, has jumped in age from nearly 2 to 15!! Honestly – the mood swings are on a different LEVEL!! there is knowing your own mind..and then there is William. Honestly – this kid knows what he wants and when he wants it.

To be honest, the moving day itself wasn’t all THAT stressful – it was the days before and the weeks afterwards. If anyone else is interested then I will happily do a blog post about moving house and the things we found during the transition and the things which are real and a bit shit really. Let me know your thoughts!

While we are on the subject of my toddler – he is honestly just that – a proper toddler. Actually no – not even a toddler anymore – he’s growing up into a proper little boy. A little boy who picks his nose and eats it, only wants to eat cocoa pops for 3 meals a day and falls over and has constant grazed knees from his adventures and running around playing and generally having fun. The messier and the more outdoorsy – the better. I know its awful to say this as it sounds to gender stereotypical but he honestly is such a little BOY – he loves being outside, playing with footballs, looking at cars and lorries, loves the fire engines zooming past him in the street and is just generally a joy to be around.

But if you follow me on my Instagram then you will have seen that we have been having lots of tantrums recently. I will do another blog post about that soon to explain what he’s been doing and how I have managed to cope with the hitting, nipping and kicking (SPOILER – WINE).

We’re also on holiday countdown, we go to Portugal in September and we are saving the pennies and trying to get the house and basically OUR LIVES sorted before we go so we can totally switch off and relax (if you can do that with a 2 year old – only time will tell I suppose..oh God..) but yeah – you get what I mean.

So that’s all that I have been up to really – the house move has taken the majority of my time and William is more and more demanding every day but I wouldn’t have it any other way! (Well I would probably want to be richer but hey).

So just a little post to throw myself out there back onto the radar – I am still here and all being well you will hopefully be seeing more of me more regularly!

Please let me know if there is anything specific you would like me to write about – you can contact me via my Instagram or Facebook pages or alternatively you can email me: staraa@gmail.com

It’s great to be back!

Tara x

General, Personal

I Need a Taxi.

*This post is sponsored by Drive Taxi’s Hull, however All thoughts and opinions are my own* AD

How many times have you said that? I for one have used the saying quite a lot – on nights out with friends, when something happens beyond your control and you don’t have access to your car or public transport, on a day out…the list goes on.

Now, I know that sometimes booking a taxi can be such a bloody difficult thing – calling endless numbers, being on hold, the advisors on the other end of the phone being rude, none being available for 23085 hours, etc etc, we’ve ALL been there and it really does do my head in – as much as the next persons. Now, within Hull there are obviously several different taxi firms, and they all have their own dedicated numbers and websites and a few of them have app’s as well, and I wanted to just tell you about one firm in Hull who are looking to change the way taxi’s are perceived within the city, and also are proud to offer great service and a positive taxi experience, to break the stigma that taxi companies and drivers have.

Lets be honest, how annoyed do you get when the taxi doesn’t turn up, or goes to the wrong address, or the driver is a bit of a moron and takes you the “long way round” just so they can get a few more of your hard earned ££’s from you? We’ve all been there and it is NOT what you want when you are paying for a service, be it out of choice or simply because you have NO OTHER choice.

Well, Ride Hull are launching a new App and have had a complete overhaul, including a name change to DRIVE, and they have got in touch with me and asked me to help them promote the new App, let the people of Hull and the surrounding areas know that this is a firm that can be trusted and prides itself on giving a good service. Because lets be honest, when you’re getting a taxi you don’t want to get out, slam the door and think “ugh, I’m never using them again, ignorant so-and-so’s” or whatever. And I for one like to know that when I do need to use a taxi I am going to be booking with a reliable and trustworthy company, that doesn’t charge the earth and isn’t going to leave me waiting around like some spare part, whether it be in the daytime with my son or on a night out or perhaps in a vulnerable position.

So, who are Drive (formerly Ride)? Well, Drive was created in 2017 with the goal of modernising and improving the Hull Taxi market. With the first acquisition of 57 Cars, Drive has since merged 65 Cars, 70 Cars, 706 Cars & Sutton Cars to create a Hull wide taxi firm with 550 Cars and complete over 40,000 bookings a week. Now, I for one have used one, if not all of these individual companies in the past. Now they are all in one place, and they are the largest private taxi hire company within Hull and the surrounding areas. Which means that, pretty much whatever time of the day or night it is, you are more likely to be able to get a car with Drive than with any other taxi firm within the area. Which (if you’re like me and an impatient little witch) is just so so good. Who wants to be waiting hours for a bloody taxi? Not me mate. I can also say that from my own personal experience of using Drive, there hasn’t been a long wait for a car and they have always turned up bang on time, and in some instances were actually early! Brilliant!

Drive are also super hot on the safety of their passengers. For example, if you are a student within Hull, you can call the office on 01482 575757 and if you are for any reason left alone or vulnerable after a night out, they will get a car to you as a matter of priority. We all know the drill – you’ve been out for hours and are probably a little worse for wear, and if you aren’t from the area then it can be a really daunting task trying to find your way home – having a taxi company that are committed to helping you out when you need them surely is a good thing? If anyone reading this is a student then please download the app (link here) or save the number in your phone for future reference. Just don’t be sick in the car. (I mean it – not cool….not speaking from experience at all…)

I have actually downloaded the app myself and used it a few times for journeys, and I must say its dead easy. You just type in the address you want picking up from – or if you have your location turned on it will pick up your location from that, then enter the destination address/postcode on the next page, and enter the time you want your taxi. It also gives you a fare estimate, which for me is a GOD SEND as you know how much money youre going to need for the journey and youre not worrying if you have enough. Alternatively (which is my preferred method) you can pop your card details into the app, save them, and simply pay via your card on the app – the payment comes out at the end of your journey when your home safe and sound! That for me is a life saver, as I hardly ever carry cash, everything is contactless these days and its so good to know you can just book the taxi and pay for it within a couple of taps. Also on the app, you can also track your driver, which is so useful, so you can see exactly where they are and it tells you how far away they are and the estimated arrival time, so you can gather up all your crap (toddler-life) and be ready for when it arrives. When the car does arrive, you actually get a call on your mobile (you need to pop your number into the app) to let you know that the car is outside, as well as the usual text message reminder.

Here are a few screenshots from the App, just to give you an idea..

All in all, Drive are not only a friendly and reliable taxi company, but being the largest in Hull, they are a force to be reckoned with, and I for one have no qualms about using them, and recommending them to family and friends, as they cover the whole of Hull and the surrounding areas, which is so so helpful as I have family and friends on opposite ends of the city, and it’s reassuring to know that they will be able to pick me up whenever and wherever I am.

Uncategorized

Toddler

William is fast approaching turning 3 years old. Fuck me – that’s frightening . He will be 3 in October – what the actual hell.

He is coming along so much at the moment – since probably around Christmas 2018 his speech has really picked up, he can put several words together, okay the pronunciation isn’t great, but the sound and everything is there, and its so so lovely to be able to hear him chatting away to himself or singing Twinkle Twinkle or Wheels on the Bus, it makes my heart burst and sometimes I get a little tear in my eye because I just honestly, this is going to sound dramatic and im sorry if it does, but I honestly was so worried he just would never speak. Since Christmas like I say, he has come on leaps and bounds, nursery are pleased with him and we have had 2 visits from our Health Visitor (which were bloody pointless if I’m honest, but hey ho we’ve had the visits I guess) and everyone who sees him tell me how much he has come on and is just doing so well. he even got a sticker from nursery a couple of weeks back as he told one of the girls there all the colours of the blocks (NO YOURE CRYING). With the speech, a new confidence is also coming with him, and he is so much more outgoing and likely to go off and play rather than needing me there holding his hand all the time . Which also makes me so so proud and happy for him.

I fel so down in the dumps and guilty when we were told he had glue ear. It all clicked in my head and made sense. He was so quiet because he couldn’t hear properly. He couldn’t speak because he couldn’t hear properly. He couldn’t understand the sounds of speech. He didn’t speak or interact at nursery because it was too loud and he couldn’t hear what the girls were asking of him, he was confused, he stopped eating at nursery because it was so loud and busy and he couldn’t hear what people were saying to him. It made me so sad – your childhood is supposed to be so much fun and filled with happiness and it was obvious that William wasn’t experiencing this, and writing this and thinking of that still makes me have a little cry. I just felt so bad for him and that there was nothing I could do to help him and felt sad that he was missing out. Nursery were great though, they make such an effort to do things with him in smaller groups were he can hear clearly, they give him his meals in a smaller setting of around 3/4 children and he is eating so much better, and because they are taking more time with him he is then coming out of his shell and every week they tell me he has done something new or said something new – it makes me feel so happy.

But with all this there have also been hard times, the terrible two’s are a THING. Like. I cant even tell you. He has SUCH a bad temper!! Like, my goodness, I know I have a short temper but frigging Nora, he gets so frustrated and angry so quickly. I do think a lot of it is to do with the whole speech thing – he is still learning and there are obviously times when he will blabber something at me with such conviction, and I literally have no clue what the hell he has just said. And there’s only so many times I can ask him without him getting cross at me for not understanding what he’s just said.

He is so head strong. Honest to god – he is going to be a bloody nightmare! Here’s a list of all the things William loses his shit over:

  • sharing
  • having to have tea
  • having to have lunch
  • not being able to have 3 bowls of cocoa pops
  • not being able to have peanut butter sandwiches for every meal and snack
  • not being able to eat cereal bars at 8pm
  • putting his shoes on
  • not being able to wear wellies
  • wearing wellies
  • having to put a coat on
  • having to take pj’s off
  • having to have a bath
  • having to change his nappy
  • having to go for a wee on a potty because he doesn’t want to wear a nappy
  • having to wear a nappy because he doesn’t want to to use a potty
  • daddy being home
  • daddy saying hello
  • mummy leaving the room
  • mummy having breakfast/lunch/tea
  • mummy having a shit
  • mummy having a wee
  • mummy not carrying him everywhere
  • not being able to play in the street

The list goes on. You can see a pattern here cant you? Basically everything he doesn’t want to fucking do and even the things he does want to do he kicks off about having to do. And the ATTITUDE. He can also be aggressive too, and violent which really does worry me sometimes. He has been particularly hard work this week, he has thrown little chairs at me, took his little folding table apart and threw a leg of that at me, books, shoes (wellies, of course), toys, dummies, nappies, toothbrushes, the list goes on. And if there is nothing for him to throw at me, he will just hit or kick me. It can be so soul destroying, and really hard to manage sometimes. Sometimes I just go outside while William is kicking off, and hide behind the shed just for five minutes to calm down. They really know how to push your buttons don’t they?! And yes, yes, Sheila, before you say anything about how he is just “pushing the boundaries” (fucking boundaries) that really doesn’t help me now does it. Ill just remember that when Will is nipping my neck, or pulling my glasses off my face and slapping me, “Oh no need to worry, its just him TESTING HIS BOUNDARIES”. Fuck off. I couldn’t give a toss if he was the Queen Of Sheba, you don’t go around treating people like that, least of all your mother.

But how the actual F do you discipline a 2.5 year old? Like, he doesn’t understand properly, and he wont sit on a naughty step, so I have to just walk away and leave him to it – it seems to be the only way at the moment and then talk to him when he has calmed down, then he does say “ARRY MUMMY” (Sorry) and we have a hug and a kiss and he seems to understand that better than me shouting back at him or removing him, How can I tell him off for shouting or screaming or being aggressive, and then do the same to him? Talk about confusing.

But all in all, things are good with Will, he still makes me laugh every day and we DO have a really strong bond and I know he does love me really, but I’m not going to lie, some days I count down the seconds until bed time, because it can be INTENSE. And this post was really just to put it out there really, just in case you were in the same position as me and looking at everyone else and thinking “what the hell? why has she got all her shit together” and I’m  here getting beaten up by my kid (slight exaggeration) and eating cheddar biscuits with tszatziki  for tea because that’s all you can be arsed to make – along with of course a wine.

Uncategorized

It’s Been a While

Hello! Its been such a long time AGAIN! I really have been so busy and life is hectic – William is hectic!

Most of you here reading this will follow me on my instagram (@diaryofahullmum) – and will probably have seen a while ago that William has glue ear. We have battled with the Doctors every couple of months in 2018 when Will was having ear infection after ear infection, and we noticed that his speech wasn’t coming on a lot despite his age – he was 2 in October. Plus the fact that nursery had also flagged up that when he was at nursery he was quiet and barely made a noise. He had been referred but we were just waiting for an appointment. It seemed to take forever – I obviously work for the NHS and understand first hand how stretched we are and how scarce appointments are, but still, when it’s YOUR child you want an appointment there and then.

So we were seen and the Doctor confirmed that he had glue ear. I was so relieved I let out a few tears – it was so good to finally know that it wasn’t “just because” or “one of those things” – and that I knew I was right to trust my instincts – but why do some doctors and medical professionals think that you are being an over-protective and hypochondriac mother? Like – mate – I know my own child – I grew him after all and spend EVERY DAY WITH HIM. Give me strength. Anyways – we got there in the end, and we are going back to see the doctor at the ENT department again towards the end of the year, as the Summer can help with glue ear, and as he grows the tubes within his ear will widen, and if they do, even just a fraction, he will hopefully be able to recover naturally from it and not have to have a procedure – which of course if he needed then I would say yes go for it – but he is still only 2 years old, and if we can avoid unnecessary surgery then I will endeavour to do so.

We have also been going through some family issues – I’m not sure if I have mentioned it before but there is some illness on my In-Laws side, and it’s not been great, to be honest. The family member is quite unwell and basically there isn’t much that can be done unfortunately. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions and it has really tested and stretched all involved, but things seem to be coasting along nicely and at the moment seem to be doing okay. It’s just one of those things unfortunately which needs to be taken one day at a time, and we all need to stick together. We also had a family bereavement at the beginning of the year, so yeah, it’s been a tough one and me and Norms have been tested a lot and it’s been a hard slog – not going to lie. And unfortunately it will only continue to be so – but all we can do is stick together and remember not to take things personally if we (I) get snapped at.

SO yeah, it’s been a mental few months, and to be honest Instagram has taken a back seat. I love stalking everyone’s pages, but the things that have happened this year have made me realise that there really are more important things in life to be worrying and putting your energy into – rather than stressing about the amount of likes you get on a picture, if someone finds your stories funny,  your number of followers – it really is just so ridiculous and taking a step back has made me re-evaluate it all, and I must say its ever so refreshing. But- saying that – Instagram is SUCH an escape for me – looking at my feed and seeing all the beautiful places and things people are doing, makes me escape the day to day life for just a few minutes. But also – side note – a lot of what we see is not real – people only want to show the good bits – and of course why shouldn’t they? But always try to remember that, because trust me it is easy to get sucked into this fake “insta-reality” .

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But Why?

Now, I don’t want this to come across as arrogant or like I’m stuck up my own arse, because honestly, I am the LEAST stuck up person you will probably ever meet. But, I just wanted to do a post about how doing this blog and my instagram (@diaryofahullmum) affects me, mentally and personally, and how it makes me feel.

When I started out the blog, I had instgram and I rarely used it. I think it was around 2011-2012 when I installed the app, and I never used to post, maybe the odd “inspirational quote” or a ridiculous photo from a night out that I didn’t want people on Facebook seeing. (actual LOLS that last comment hahaha). I started following bigger accounts around the time I was getting married (2013), and would see that they had SUCH big followings, and shared lots of different aspects of their lives. I did start sharing more, granted nowhere near as much as I do now, but the odd thing here and there. It wasn’t until I fell pregnant with William, that I really started to enjoy Instagram. There were a few of the “big accounts” who were pregnant around the same time as me, and I enjoyed secretly stalking them, seeing if they were going through the same things I was in pregnancies/married life, and I found myself starting to read blogs, written by some of the bigger accounts I followed. When I had William, I would lay awake in the middle of the night while he was crying, or doing bottles at 3.13am and find myself reading these blogs. Sure, lots of them were great and I enjoyed reading them, mainly the topics were food (because why wouldn’t it be – have you seen me? I like to eat) and babies, something which was relevant to my new lifestyle as a first time mother. But the more I read, the more I found myself thinking – ” my god, I am NOT going through the same things as these people, they all have husbands who work 9-5, and I don’t, as you all know mine works away a lot of the time within the week, so I do solo parent quite a lot. I didn’t have anyone to “take the  pressure off” me, well not until a Friday evening or a Saturday morning, whenever it was that he finished work. And everything on these other blogs looked so lovely, the photographs I was seeing were of immaculate tidy homes, with things bought from Barker and Stonehouse or Laura Ashley, freshly cut flowers and babies dressed in all pristine white “The White Company” or “Jojo Maman Bebe” baby grows with not an ounce of sick or bright yellow shit on them. Was I doing something wrong? My house resembled an Aldi Special Buy Aisle after black Friday, and my baby was in mis-matched leggings and vest from Primark and George at Asda, or was given to us by friends so wasn’t white anymore. Where were all the NORMAL people??? So, I decided to write my own blog, mainly to show people (if anyone was going to be interested, I didn’t think so at that point) that it was OKAY to have washing from 7 days ago still on the kitchen table, and your baby to have sick on their baby grow, wilted flowers in the vase, and to be surviving on super noodle sandwiches (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it – bacon super noodles and beans in white bread. With cheese. Thank me later. Unless you’re Vegan. In which case I have nothing for you – sorry about that.) I wanted to show people that this was OKAY, and THIS was actually normal, not the bullshit you would see on everyone’s heavily edited feeds.

Its the same with Facebook, like when people check in at the hospital and then when people comment to say “oh no – whats wrong hun?” they reply with “inbox me bbe xo”. People only share what they WANT to share or what they know will get the most attention. Well, I for one am fed up of it. I wanted to see the warts and all, realistic side of parenting. Hell, if I had, it might have prepared me better for what the hell was about to happen after I had pushed this little bright red little baby out of my vagina, instead of expecting this made up reality about how everything is a walk in the park, and everyone is always so happy after the birth of a child, and everything and everyone is followed by singing cherubs and flowers grow everywhere you have stepped foot, and unicorns dance around your kitchen  sterilising bottles and cleaning up for you. It’s all a load of bollocks. Why wasn’t this being shared?

So I started posting to Instagram more, uploading stories when that became available, and writing my blog on the things that I feel I want to speak about, the things I wanted to share and tell MY side of it, rather than looking at everything else which looked like an advert for John Lewis. I must admit, I was SO nervous about posting my blog posts, because I am and always have been a very open book, and I sometimes overshare, im sure if you all follow me on Instgram then you will probably have already gathered this, and I was worried about what people would say. Would they think it was a load of shite? Would anyone even read it? Is my writing really bad? Does it make sense, or am I just babbling a load of codswallop and people are going to be sat there rolling their eyes at their screens? But then I thought to myself, No, Come on, if I myself wanted to read a true and realistic approach to parenting, then surely someone else in this big wide world would want to as well? SO I just thought sod it, and here I am.

Now, I’m not going to lie, my Instagram has gone up by followers a LOT in the last few months, (This is the bit where I don’t want to sound like a tosser and I apologise if it do – I don’t mean it to). I’m currently at nearly 10k (what even is that – oh my goodness me), and I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t feel good, because of course it does. But not for selfish reasons. I do my Instagram and my stories (that’s generally my preferred method of social media posting – I’m crap at uploading arty-farty cute photos if I’m honest. My photos only got better recently because I got a new phone because the one I had been from when the Pharaoh’s were still around – no joke) because I ENJOY it. I have met so many wonderful people through instagram, some of them I am even lucky enough to call my REAL LIFE friends. I also get to talk to so many other people from different backgrounds from all over the world! Where else can you do that? I LIKE being silly and stupid, ask any of my friends and they will always say “Oh Tara, yeah shes the one who is always cracking jokes, the class clown, etc etc”. It’s just what I DO. I don’t like awkward silences, or confrontation, and in these sort of situations, I laugh, or try make people laugh, and just generally act like a tit. Instagram is the same, I try to make light of things that may be rubbish at the time that are happening, by being silly. It takes my mind off things. It makes ME feel better, it makes me laugh, and therefore whatever stress or shit I may be going through at the time, soon washes away, because, as they say, laughter really is the best medicine. And let’s be honest, after you’ve had a child, all your dignity and self-respect are thrown out the window once a room full of strangers has seen your vagina and seen you poo yourself. (true story)

But aside from how it makes ME feel, more importantly are the messages I receive after I’ve done a stupid video, or done a post/video about how I am struggling with something, usually William-related. The messages of support I receive are unbelievable. I get so so many messages offering a virtual hug, or amazing advice I’d not even thought to try before. It honestly is an amazing community that I am proud to be part of. But not only that, the messages I receive when I’ve posted a story of myself doing some wacko dance in my kitchen, in one of my many dressing gowns, the response is amazing. People message me saying that they are having a particularly tough time, for one reason or another, and they message me to say that they feel better for watching my stories, or that I made them smile after a particularly rough day. THATS what I want to do this for. Because even if I just make ONE person smile, or ONE person feel less isolated, then that is good enough for me. Because I know that I myself could have done with that at one point, and fi I can make someone feel a little more themselves, then that makes me happy. Because, contrary to popular belief, I’m not actually that much of a stone hearted bitch with a resting bitch face. Well, I do have a resting bitch face but what can ya do.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t worry about putting myself out there. recently, I had an article written about me and another Hull Blogger, and I was worried to absolute sickness about how it would be taken, should I of put myself out there, what happens if I get trolled, etc etc. Why am I even worrying about these sorts of things? Why am I worrying about what other people, who I don’t even KNOW, are thinking about me? Why am I worrying if they are going to write something mean about me somewhere? Why can’t I just be my stupid, bad dancing, ugly Monday, frizzy haired self without wondering if things are going to be “perceived” in a certain way? Online trolling, abuse and bullying is becoming more and more apparent in society now, and it is affecting people from all ages and backgrounds, and it shouldn’t even be a THING for people to be worried about. How sad is it that I have to over think what I am going to say, in case I offend someone, or in case someone thinks I can’t parent, or in case someone thinks I should lose weight. Why should we have to worry about what other people think? I sure as hell don’t walk around the streets covered from head to toe ans whispering in case I offend anyone with my outfit/conversation/way I parent, so why should I do it on my own social media account? I have only been trolled the once, and I’m not going to lie it was absolutely fucking awful. I received a message telling me that I was a disgrace as a mother, that my language in front of my child was inappropriate, I should be ashamed of myself, and that my child would be the one child at school everyone talks about because of me, and nobody would want their kids hanging round with William and it was all because of me. She then went on to say that my Instagram was laughable, and there were places people went to talk about me and slag me off, and that my blog was shit and who the hell did I think I was? I’m not going to lie, it knocked me sick. I cried. I felt like a piece of crap. Was I really a bad mother? Do I swear too much? Does everyone hate me and William? Do people really go online and write nasty things about ME? A working mum from Hull? But then, the moment passed, I realised she was just a troll, and blocked her account and carried on with the rest of my day. But the words she said still stung me, and if I wasn’t comfortable within myself, then the repercussions of that thoughtless message could have been so very different.  Why do people think that these sorts of messages are okay to send to someone? It’s utterly disgusting and I am thankful that for now, that was my only experience of such vile actions. At the end of the day, when you choose to send a message like that, you aren’t seeing the bigger picture. I am, under all this, still a wife, a mother, someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s granddaughter.

And yes, maybe it “comes with the territory”. But come on. When is it ever okay to send such things, such hurtful things from behind a computer/phone. I wouldn’t go up to Shannon in Tescos and tell her that her hair was awful, her trousers looked shit, she shouldn’t speak to her kids like that, etc etc. So why is it acceptable for us to do this online? Anyway, I have digressed.

So, that’s how I got here. And I’m thankful for all of you guys, friends old and new for keeping me going along the way, and enjoying what im posting and engaging with me! I’m glad I make some of you laugh, and I hope to continue doing so, for as long as you’ll have me.

Food, General, Parenting, Parenting, Personal, Uncategorized

What’s Been Going On?

It’s been a while Again since I have written a blog post, it’s been Christmas and New Year, and then the struggle of getting back into the swing of work/housework/parenting after having a little time off at Xmas is always draining. When is it you should stop eating crackers and cheese and pate and chocolate for every meal..? Asking for a friend that’s all.

So, as usual, Christmas was hectic and stressful, but honestly this year has been the first year that I have ACTUALLY enjoyed Christmas Day from the beginning to the end. We had Norms’ family over in the morning, and then Will had a sleep after playing with his new toys, I prepped Xmas Dinner, then we ate, opened more presents and just played for the rest of the day. It was very relaxed, none of this to-ing and fro-ing which I HATE doing, as awful as it sounds, we always say to people that if they want to see us on Xmas Day, then  they can come to us, as our parents live at complete OPPOSITE ends of the city. We did it for a couple of years Pre-Will, and we weren’t getting in until late afternoon and we were having to please everyone else instead of pleasing ourselves. So we knocked that on the head, and Norms’ family just come and see us because that’s what they like to do.

As some of you may know, I found myself worrying and getting myself so stressed and anxious about Christmas. Would William enjoy it? Would he have enough presents from me and Norms? Will I get good pictures that I should share on social media? Will I need to buy him more presents? Should I of bought Norms more presents? Will the dinner be nice? Will Norms Grandma be out of hospital? “AM I GOING TO PLEASE EVERYBODY ON EARTH AND THERE WILL BE WORLD PEACE??”

I was driving myself crazy, not sleeping, seeing the Instagram stories of people buying their kids all these bloody gifts, several stockings full of presents, their partners expensive watches or designer clothes. And there was me, with a book shelf from eBay  and a stuffed toy duck for William, and a Body Shop gift set and a top from Sports Direct for Norms. I felt so inadequate, and I know, I know, it’s not about the money, but sometimes, let’s be honest, it is. You work all year, and want to spoil the people you love the most. And unfortunately (because 1. I don’t earn a great deal of money and 2. I am shit with money and don’t save up and buy kebabs with it instead. #real) But, the gifts that William received were fine, lets be honest, the kid is 2 years old and hasn’t got a clue about what day it is, I mean he didn’t give a toss about his Xmas dinner. Do you know what he had for his Xmas dinner? Tomato Soup. So festive. And Norms fully understands the circumstance I am in with the whole money situation, but he liked his gifts he received, and to be honest it was just nice to be able to spend some proper quality time together, as his hours are erratic with his job, so we rarely spend proper time together as a family, so just to be able to do that was lovely.

As usual, Christmas comes with a stereotypical family crisis. Norms’ Grandma has been unwell and was in hospital over the festive period so the family was a bit upset about that, and also there are some other things happening with his family at the moment, which I wont go into as it’s not for social media, but things were a bit fraught sometimes. Plus my mum was poorly over the festive period with that horrendous flu bug thing that makes you feel like you’ve got the Bubonic plague and are on death’s door, so we didn’t get chance to see as much family as we usually would over the festive period. But that’s just the way it goes sometimes. We just chilled out, spent time together as a 3, and that was lovely in itself.

I also spent a little less time on my phone over the Christmas season. It wasn’t so much a conscious decision, I just have realised that a lot of the time I have spare at home is often spent with my face in my phone on instagram, and not concentrating on the here and now, and I was missing out on family time, things that were perhaps happening and would maybe not happen again, all for the sake of what? A double tap and a funny 15 second video? Plus, because me and norms don’t see each other a great deal, when we are together I am aware that (as the majority of other couples probably do as well), most of our time is spent with our faces in our mobile devices, when we should be talking and interacting with each other. And to be honest, it was good to get back to basics.

Another thing which has happened recently is William’s speech. He is coming along SO MUCH at the moment. He can say a few little words, and I feel like now I can actually COMMUNICATE with him and he can communicate back to me, don’t get me wrong, there are still PLENTY of times when I just look at him in disbelief and think to myself “what the actual hell is he trying to tell me??”, but the difference just in the last few weeks has been amazing. And because he is speaking a little and can communicate with me, the temper tantrums are becoming gradually less, and I believe it’s because we I can understand him and what he wants and needs. His personality is now starting to come out too, and his nursery have even told me that he is coming out of his shell more and more, and is willing to get involved and play more, which for me as a mum makes me SO happy, knowing that he is going to be there for the day and not be feeling sad or upset or scared, he’s getting stuck in and making friends and it just makes my heart hurt with pride and love.  We also had a health visitor appointment just after the new year, I am going to write a blog post about how it went and how the whole lead up to it made me feel, it didn’t go as badly as I was expecting it to, and afterwards I felt relieved, one because it was over but two because she didn’t say she was concerned about him, so that was also a massive weight off my shoulders.

I have also been receiving a lot of positive feedback from my instagram account, which makes me really happy. I’m not going to lie, when I gain new followers it DOES make me nervous, because I feel like sometimes you are expected to keep up this massive “insta-prescence” , but in reality I am just a normal working mum who just does silly stupid shit on a social media app, and people seem to like it. I will be writing about how it makes me feel personally too, as I feel that it’s probably how many people who use social media probably feel too.

And that’s about it! Nothing exciting really, however I just thought I would check in with you guys and let you know I am still here,  I’m going to try and blog more, but do let me know what sort of stuff you would like to see, I am always open to suggestions and ready for a ramble (understatement on my part).